The Things We Carry

On old handbags, new habits, teenage wisdom and learning to be a beginner

I’m carrying a lot of baggage at the moment. Which sounds a little deeper than it should. What I really mean is that I have an almost constant companion in the form of one of the first designer handbags I ever fell for and it is reminding me daily of the joy of shopping from your own stash. Not a penny has been parted with and the joy of rediscovery is proving to be priceless.

A while ago I went looking for a bag for G to borrow for a party and, as well as finding a vintage Donna Karan shoulder bag that had the desired effect on my eldest teen (for approximately 10 minutes after presenting her with said bag I was pretty cool), I came across a black leather DKNY tote/shopper that stopped me in my tracks.

I honestly thought I’d lost this bag to the ravages of time, or more likely to an ill-timed, badly organised trip to the tip during the house move that still, 14 years later, will bring me out in hives if I think about it for too long. But there she was, her buttery soft black leather unblemished by the years; the straps and hardware still pleasingly robust and the lining, whilst a little worn, effortlessly telling the stories of the years back in the late-90s when she was my pride and joy.

I remember falling in love with this bag in Saks Fifth Avenue during my first trip to New York City after leaving full-time education. I parted with a not inconsiderable amount of money for it - those were the days when responsibilities were few and justifications were easy to come by. I’m pretty certain Carrie Bradshaw’s voice was in my head, convincing me that this was as necessary a purchase as the Manolos she hoarded in her walk-in closet. Cost per wear - the pre-cursor to the ‘girl math’ that a younger generation thinks they invented - quickly became pennies and there’s likely only a handful of the Soho, Kensington and Notting Hill bars I frequented in those days that this bag wasn’t chucked under at least once.

And today it sits on the floor by the sofa in the kitchen where I usually sit with my first cup of tea of the day. It is filled almost to bursting with the stuff I want at my fingertips at the moment. Books I’m reading - fiction, non-fiction and poetry - as well as my laptop, notebooks and a sketchpad. The latter not because I can draw but because I am determined to at least try to be okay with being a beginner at something.

Obviously I bought myself some new pens for said sketching* and this is making the process a little more bearable. It beats doom-scrolling (which I have in no way given up but am, at least, a little more mindful of doing).

* I did not make it out of Homesense on Tuesday night without these pens, a tiny bin and the long-handled dustpan and brush I specifically went in to purchase. I did pick up and put down a multitude of other things too so, back to girl mathing for a moment, you should all be incredibly proud of me for the money I saved.

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Things I tried this week:

Breathwork
I was introduced to Josh Connolly when he came into CALM late last year to talk about his story. I was intrigued by his work and started following him on Instagram. Needless to say, life got in the way and it’s only months later that I got around to trying out one of his online breathwork sessions. I really didn’t know what to expect but I was confident that anything designed to regulate the nervous system was worth a try. It’s really powerful stuff and I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting that. Josh offers a free introductory session here and Breathing Space - the breathwork community he hosts on Circle - is a treasure trove of live and recorded breathwork sessions available for just £10 a month. I’m not on commission, I just love the cut of Josh’s jib and did from the moment I met him. He’s building something really special, and hugely valuable, and he holds a truly safe space for people to practice something that makes a difference to the way we breathe, live and connect.

Vinted
I’ve dabbled with selling on Vinted before and I went all-in for a while which cleared out some physical space at Willson Towers, much to my lovely husband’s delight. This week I decided to just list a few things that had been sorted through months ago and so I set aside a couple of hours and boom, things sold almost before I’d uploaded them all. Definitely something worth making time for - it’s quick and easy, you’re doing something that is helpful for people and the wider community and it also means you can indulge in a spot of guilt-free shopping if you leave the money in your Vinted balance and happen to have your alerts set up for your favourite brands…

Walking
Sooooo much walking this week. On my own but also another Friday morning walk with my sister which has become our thing over the last few weeks. I found it hard to go out for a walk on my own without my headphones the first time but I am so glad I did. I’d have missed the birdsong, the cattle lowing in the meadow, the milk frother doing its thing in our lovely local independent coffee shop and my friend shouting at me from across the street which led to me skipping over to her for the biggest hug and catch up before we both went on our merry way!

Being a GCSE-Mom
I learned a really valuable lesson last week when I tried to ‘fix’ the way G was feeling about how one of her first GCSE exams went. She very quickly pointed out that she is allowed to feel exactly as she feels about it and she doesn’t need me to try and convince her otherwise. I’m not too old or proud to learn a lesson or two from a teenager (let’s keep that between us though) so am now trying my hardest just to be the kind of GCSE-Mom who makes the breakfast of champions, gets her where she needs to be and brings snacks to her whilst she’s revising. Hang in there fellow warriors, only a few more weeks to go!

Listened to another audio book
It took me quite a long time to get into audio books. I listened to my first one not quite a year ago and, whilst holding a paperback in my hands will never be something I willingly give up, I am currently very much enjoying Brené Brown reading ‘Daring Greatly’ to me. I first read this book when it was published in 2018 and I have felt drawn back to her vulnerability research recently. That I get to hear Brené herself reading aloud to me is such a joy - I have always loved her voice and am finding it really soothing, and revelatory as I rediscover the invitation to be courageous and show up even when there are no guarantees.

That it has reacquainted me with the wise words of Theodore Roosevelt (and a favourite quote of one of my favourite people) is an added bonus:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Reminders that connection and love are all we really need
A WhatsApp exchange with one of my oldest friends (she’s not old, nor am I); skipping across the road for that hug with my friend; the “I saw this and thought of you” memes and links shared with and by a few of my favourites; the lunch in the pub my EMAP-favourite L (my other EMAP-favourite L will be furious!) and I discovered last summer as the perfect midway point between the two of us where we put the world to rights, remind each other how fabulous we are (because we are) and, again, bemoan the fact that we don’t live next door to each other (I think we both know that neither of us would ever get anything done but oh, the fun we would have!)

The dinner this week with two of the strongest - and funniest - women I know, and have known since the last century, where one of them ‘confessed’ that she could order for all of us because we have, almost without exception or embarrassment, met at one Pizza Express or another in central London for our catch ups and always order the same thing. Proof that there is very little that dough balls, a pizza and two bottles of prosecco won’t sort out. God help us if Pizza Express go bust…

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If you need a book recommendation, I (finally) finished ‘Tom Lake’ by Ann Patchett which I loved and, if you fancy a Substack recommendation I have two for you:

The Blooming Era - start with If I Were 50 Again, Here's Exactly What I'd Do Differently.

Resilience & Reinvention, Over & Over Again - start with Being Vulnerable.

And finally, because they haven’t featured for a while and remain an utter joy, a few photos capturing recent escapades of The Ginger Cats

There's a lot of sleeping, watching and helping in the garden. Top Middle - Fred shortly after launching himself at the window when the cat from down the road dared to jump up to say hello. Bottom Right - both of them turned their back on me after I'd locked them out for bringing in a dead mouse...

Until next time, X